90s Nostalgia

This one is a little intense, and you won't quite "get it" if you don't download the songs I make reference to.

It's so funny how the 90s are back "in". I guess I shouldn't be surprised... the 70s were the bomb when I was a young adult of the 90s decade, and it's been 20 years, so the 20 year nostalgia cycle is repeating itself with my generation trying to figure out how time has passed by so quickly. It amazes me how I can hear a song from those years and be completely taken back to the feelings, thoughts, and attitudes indicative of that time in my life. Music is so powerful, and has especially carried me through trials, experiences, and events of my life. The writer of a blog I follow (Momastery) posted about an old favorite song by Alanis Morisette, Thank You. She was really feeling it, so I thought I would get out my old CD case and find my copy of her Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie CD. Search, rumage, search, dust off the case full of 100+ CDs, & found it! Funny, Alanis is naked on the front of the CD, and I am immediately reminded of how this bothered my little sister, Julia, 5-years-old at the time. Sasha (now 5-years-old) comments about the nakedness, and I give her the Mom answer instead of the deep, college student answer I gave years ago). I play the song, and Sasha dances with me to it's catchy beat, and I feel just like I did at 21, except with a different girlfriend dancing alongside me. Sasha is super cute with her grown-up dancing that a 5-year-old would only be capable of if she were a little sister, and she catches on to the words "thank you" and comments that this is a good song about good manners. Dance, dance, dance... I'm loving it! And the words mean so much more now, with a few decades of experience underwing.

How 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
How 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
How 'bout that ever elusive kudos

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you DISILLUSIONMENT

Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you THANK YOU SILENCE

How 'bout me not blaming you for everything
How 'bout me enjoying the moment for once
How 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How 'bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you DISILLUSIONMENT

Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you THANK YOU SILENCE

The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you DISILLUSIONMENT
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you THANK YOU SILENCE 

(The ALL CAPS are for when she really belts it out).

We continue with the next few songs on the CD, and Sasha loses interest as some of the songs just sound angry and out of control, the Alanis Morisette can get at times. She leaves the room, and I turn to the song That I Would Be Good, a heartfelt, emotional song that I haven't heard in at least 13 years. All of the sudden, I am crying in a mournful way that is reminiscent in nature. The words are speaking to my heart again, but this time, they remind me that those old hurts and struggles are not my own any longer, but that new ones are in their place. Here I am, years later, and not much has changed. Life is still full of trials and struggles, and they seem so overbearing at times.

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
(Lovely flute solo, here).

So, this is when I become a great deal wiser as I realize that I am still the same girl I was then, because I will always be her. Life goes on, ever changing, ever painful, yet ever wonderful, ever joyful. I've solved all those 20-year-old problems, and that is why they seem so trivial in nature now. And the challenges I face now, will seem trivial when I reminisce about them in 20 years, or so.

Here are the girls I most loved singing and dancing with way back when!

Kyndra Lund & Caroline Eccles (Snow Cousins)

And just to keep this post a little less intense: here I am doing The Firm workout video in the dorms of The University of Utah. I especially love the matching scrunchee.

When I was chosen to be the hot, single girl in Van Cott Hall's copied version of MTV's Singled Out, I said that my lifelong dream was to star in my own workout video. I guess that truly, not much has changed! And I will get that body back, because I am just as determined to succeed now, as I was back then.